The. Longest. Blog. I. Will. Ever. Do. - Finnishing Finnegans

 The week before spring break I was pretty sick. So sick that I did not leave my bed for a few days. I wish I could be one of those people that actually enjoys sleeping, but I usually can't fall asleep at night, nor do I sleep in, so for me, being stuck in my bed for a few days was a living nightmare. Our TV is downstairs, and I didn't want to post up on the couch and get my sister sick, so instead I decided to entertain myself by playing a game. A few years ago, I remember Dr. Sexson saying that anything and everything (including email), can be found in the words of Finnegans Wake. So, I decided to test this theory by attempting to find the name of every single person in our class. I figured that if I was going to read every single line of Finnegans Wake, I might as well partake in a scavenger hunt rather than giving my reading comprehension a complex. (and yes, I did finish the book) In the end, I found everyone except for Alicia, Kelsey, Zach M and Kyle. However, I would like to think that perhaps I missed these names, for if they do not exist in FW, then this would mean Dr. Sexson is wrong, and this is something  I cannot  bring myself to believe. 

It is fitting that I start with Rio, for he is the first person I see standing in the classroom every day: " The smartest vessel you could find would elazilee him on her knee as her lucky for the Rio Grande."  PS- I am so glad you found your cat.

And just two pages before Rio, I found Dr. Sexson. However, the name is spelled Sexton, which is ironic because, even though I hate to admit it, I used to think this was how MS spelled his name: "...no master how mustered, mind never mend, he could neither swuck in nonneither weimp in the flood of cecialism and the best and sehortest way of blacking out a caughtalock of all the sorrors of Sexton until he would accoster her coume il fou in teto-dous..."

Then there is Maggie Franquemont, known for her infamous blog, "Will whatever will be written in lappish language with inburts of Maggyer always seems semposed, black looking white and white guarding black.." If only the high brows knew,  "where our maggy seen all, with her sisterin shawl." But in the end, " when never you make usage of it, listen, please kindly think galways again or again, never forget, of one absendee not sester Maggy. Ahim. That's the stupidest little cough."

Then there is Joan Goss Von Gossimer, who I have had the pleasure of being in 4 group presentations with, as well as every single Sexson class over our college careers, "And listen, you, you beauty, esster, I'll be clue to who knows you, pray Magda, Mathe with Luz and Joan, while I lie with warm lisp on the Tolka." But thats not all, "Songs betune the acts by the ambiamphions of Annapolis, Joan..."

Rachel Kester. The one who plans to attend culinary school after she graduates, was found only once, "Miss Rachel, she tells forkings for baschfelors, under purdah of card palmer teapot tosspot Madam d'Elta, during the pawses, kook-and-dishdrudge, whitch believes wasthingthats, whouse be the chuchyard or whorts up the assgaars, the show must go on." Fitting, for all the forks, teapots and dishes that she will use in her culinary endeavors, however, the last part of the sentance does not suggest this passage has anything to do with cooking!

And Christina Nelson, who had the most fascinating discoveries in our Nabokov class, was fortunate enough to have both her first and last name show up in the 628 pages of Finnegans Wake: "I am thorgtfulldt to do dope me of her miscisprinks and by virchow of those filthered Ovocnas presently like Browne umbracing Christina Anya, after the Irishers, to convert me into a selt..."  And fitting with the nymphette themes in Nabokov, Joyce seemed more into the Christinettes, "With best from cinder Christinettes if prints chumming, can be when desires..." and last but not least, " Grunt unto us, I pray, your foreboden article in our own deas dockandoilish introducing the death of Nelson with coloraturas!"

"...or the bergagambols of Summerhill or..." Summer Breeze Brianne. Her Loudship,  "Bri Head and Puddyrick, yore Loudship, and a starchboxsitting in the pit of his St. Tomach's, a strange with for you, my friend, and it would poeaxe your sonson's grandson utterly though your own old sweatandsweat floruerunts heaved it hoch many as the times, when they were turrified by the hitz." At least the real Brianne Barber "shows a distinct advance from savagery to barbanism." May Brianne forever "breeze softly. Aures are aureas."  (yes, Bri was the only one whose epithet was fully represented in Finnegans Wake. But dont get a "Bri Head", I mean, a big head.)

Then there is the one who likes to keep it all fresh, miss Shelby Soule. Unfortunately, I did not find her whole name, but at least she isn't completely left out like the four lost souls listed earlier... "Back in Few Minutes. Closet for Repeers. 60 Shelburn." Back in few minutes seemed like a message one might leave on a fridge, or at least the cold closet where repeers, or perishables, are kept.

James the Rat. Whose idea of 313 in Nabokov left some rather confused, but maybe those confused individuals were looking at his discovery in a low brow state of mind. "Irish in my east hand and a James's Gate in my west, after all the errears and erroriboose of combarative embottled history, and your goodself churning over the newleaved butter.." But why would one have the epithet of a rat? "Think of it! O miserendissimest retempter! A Gripes! -Rats!"

The fresh prince of Belair, Aaron. (no really, its his last name.) I think it must be hard to Aaron that his name is spelled with an A rather than an E, for Erin is in Finnegans over 12 times and Aaron is not. But hey, at least its there! "Arran, where's your nose? And where's the starch? That's not the vesdre benediction smell." In capstone, Sexson says that Doug is Dougging, Kari is Karrying, but maybe Aaron Belair is Bellaxing, kind of like my boyfriend says, "Erin, don't worry about it, i'm chillaxing."  "Bellax, acting like a bellax. And so the triptych vision passes."

Za Zen Zach. Thank goodness your last name is Smith, or else you would have been left out, like Zach of the saving bells. However, im not trying to toot your horn, because your name is in a list, of names...  but at least it's in there. "Canbe in some future we shall presently here amid those zouave players of Inkerman the mime mumming the mick and his nick miming their maggies, Hilton St Just (Mr Frank Smith), Ivanne Ste Austelle......"

Jon Orsi. It is great you don't spell your name John. Becauseof this, you are not representing one of the most common names in our country. However, because you don't spell it that way, you are not in Finnegans with your exact spelling. But hey, at least you are original! "Johns is now quite divorced from baking. Fattens, kills, flays, hangs, draws, quarters and pieces."

Then there is Bizz Browning. When talking about "games" on Sunday night at the Bacchus, she was the only present exception to the rule. This is a good thing. And you will only know what I am talking about if you decide to attend the Finnegans meetings.  Bizz Browning = original and difficult name to find. But I worked with it. "Browne's first, the small p.s. ex-ex-executive capahand in their sad rear like a lady's postscript..." I first settled with Browne's because I assumed I would not find her name, but wait! "Then, begor, counting as many as eleven to thritytwo seconds with his pocket browning, like I said, wann swanns wann, this is my awethorrorty, he kept forecursing hascupth's foul Fanden..."

Thomas Wells. Other than being from Wyoming, my fondest memory of you was when you showed up to Lit Crit 300 with a banana, that you had written all over. I found it amusing. Lucky for you, the name Tom showed up quite a bit, so I will only share a few. "Here are selveran cued peteet peas of quite a pecuniar interest inaslittle as they are the pellets that make the tomtummy's pay roll."  "This Treacle Tom to whom reference has been made had been absent from his usual wild and woolly haunts in the land of counties capalleens for some time previous to that..." and his last name too.... "Wells she's woo and wills she's win but how the deer knowed where she'd marry!"

Jennie Lynn Stanley, you were the first one to expose me to Finnegans with your moving performances of the lines you chose to memorize. I must admit though, after hearing them I was glad I was not yet forced to read the book in a class... I found your name a few times, but the lines have no correlation to your actual being- thank goodness! I will include the line I listed earlier with Tom's name for I think the whole section is rather amusing! "This Treacle Tom to whom reference has been made had been absent from his usual wild and woolly haunts in the land of counties capalleens for some time previous to that (he was, in fact, in the habit of frequenting common lodgininghouses where he slept in a nude state, hailfellow with meth, in strange men's cots) but on racenight, blotto after divers tots of hell fire, red buddy, bull dog, blue ruin and creeping jenny..." and while I did not find Stanley, I did find lynn: "and er, consstated that one had on him the Lynn...."

And even though I assumed I would find it more, I only found Samantha Clanton's name twice throughout the whole book. But I don't think you guys will mind too much, her name is mentioned enough in class anyways- being the golden blogger and all. ;) "Sordid Sam, a dour decent deblancer, the unwashed, haunted always by his ham, the unwished at a word from Israfel the Summoner..."  Then, later on in the book, on the same page my own name was listed..."Sam knows miles bettern me how to work the miracle...."   -or maybe sam knows miles bettern me how to work the blogs!

"It's your turn C R A I G"  My favorite presentation in capstone sounded something like that. Craig was the star. I laughed hysterically. But in all seriousness. His performance did not suck. "For Craig sake. Be it suck."  And in that presentation, everyone did an amazing job, but for craigs sake, it did not suck. I applaud you. (is suck acceptable to use in a classroom in the year 2010?)

Doug. I have always wondered who attends class more: me or you. However, as Sexson said a few days ago, we all do our own thing. And Doug gets his Doug on. "Duggel-duggel. And was theys stare all atime? Yea but they was." also, "whose presence was required by law of Devine Foresygth and decretal of the Douge..."  and like many other names Doug did show up in a list, "From Greg and Doug on poor Greg and Mat and Mar and Lu and Jo, now happily buried, our four!"

And then there is Adam Benson, whose timeless sweater and serious disposition aided in the best Nabokov impersonation our group could have imagined! Man, if only we could have kept straight faces during filming, you could have had a career in acting! "It was of a night, late, lang time agone, in an auldstane eld, when Adam was delvin and his madameen spinning watersilts, when mulk mountynotty man was everybully and the first leal ribberrobber that had ever ainway everybuddy to his love saking eyes and everybilly lived alone with everybiddy else...." Adam even had the pleasure of being on the first page, first line in fact. "riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs."

Unfortunately again for Zach Morris, I was able to find Zach Eggemeyer in FW, making Zach M the 1 in 3 exception. (Wait, isnt 1 in 3 sapposed to do with coincidences?) But at least for Zach Morris, there will always be flip flops, Sexson classes, and coronas - If my memory is accurate those were 3 of your 50 things to live for? Anyways, back to Zach E.  Don't get your hopes up. I did not find Eggermeyer. I did find eggs and chicks. (i think chicks was one of the other 50 things to live for.. :)  "Digteter! Grundtsagar! Swop beef! You know he's peculiar, that eggschicker, with the smell of old woman off him, to suck nothing of his switchedupes."  hmm, after typing this line maybe Zach E would have rather been left untouched?

Caitlin Murphy. I have to admit, when you blogged about the contents of your purse, I was glad to learn there is another girl with bullets lying around! However, Caitlin, your name, in its entirety, was not to be found in Finnegans Wake. But, Kate was found twice. "Kate Strong, a widow (Tiptip!)" and "I've an eye on queer Behan and old Kate and the butter, trust me." This line made me laugh. Again- maybe its the wine.


I just realized I have yet to talk about Lisa of the Little Legs. Do not let her epithet or size fool you, for Lisa Hiller is larger than life! And I hope this line I found from Finnegans does not give the class any new nickname ideas... "locally known as Mildew Lisa, who had passed several nights, funnish enough, in a doorway under the blankets of homelessness on the bunk of iceland, pillowed upon the stone of destiny colder than man's knee or woman's breast..."

Sarah Knox and Sarah Burke, both more fortunate than the Zachs because even though they share their first name, that name is represented multiple times in Finnegans Wake. "While monks sell yew to archers or the water of the livvying goes the way of all fish from Sara's drawhead, the corralsome, to Issac's the lauped butt one, with her minnelisp extorreor to his moanolothe inturned?"  as well as "for Saara Philpot a jordan vale tearorne; a pretty box..."

And Jesse Hoffman, "as an abnormal Saint Swithin's summer and, (Jesses Rosasharon!) a ripe occasion to provoke it."

Elissa Appling. I searched for many things having to do with app, but to my dissapointment, I could not find anything! And while I did not find elissa, I did find melissa, which has elissa in it. "Melissa Bradogue and Flora Ferns and Fauna Fox-Good-man and Grettna Greaney..."

Erik Howard: "read the sayings from Laxdalesaga in the programme about King Ericus of Schweden and the spirit's whispers in his magical helmet..." also including "in the Hundred of Manhood or proclaim him offsprout of vikings who had founded wapentake and seddled hem in Herrick or Eric, the best authenticated version..."

Jennifer Lynn Thornburg. You have seen your name already listed with Jennie Lynn Stanley's as well. However, since there were more Jennnn words I think it is only fitting to give you your own line. "with a grit as hard as the trent of the thimes but a touch as saft as the dee in flooing and never a Hyderow Jenny the like of her lightness at look and you leap..."

Lissa Fields. I found both your first and last name. "As I'd live to, O, I'd love to! Liss, liss! I muss whiss!"  and your last name, "mid pillow talk and chithouse chat, on Marlborough Green as though Molesworth Fields, here sentenced pro tried with Jedburgh justice..."

Abby Teeter: I found two. "Road and cried Abies Magnifica! not, noble fir?" as well as "This thing, Mister Abby, is nefand."

Maxton Arcand: Once again, I could not find your name spelled as a whole, so I did the best I could do! "Stonewall Willingdone is an old maxy montrumeny."

And Amber Robertson, I do believe I found both your first and last name... "Aerwenger's my breed so may we uncreepingly multipede like the sands in Amberhann!" and while I did not find your whole last name, " Robort, to show that King...."

And last but not least! Kevin Grealish. I like your line. "What child of a strandlooper but keepy little Kevin in the despondful surrounding of such sneezing cold would ever have trouved up on a strate that was called strete a motive for future sainity by euchring the finding of the Ardagh chalice by another heily innocent and beachwalker whilst trying with pious clamour to wheedle..."


Well, other than the four I wish I did not have to leave out, that should be everyone in our class. If I missed someone else I appologize. I got the names from Samanthas blog, so if you were not mentioned at least once in this blog, you should really take it up with her. (jk) Listed below are some other findings I found noteworthy in Finnegans Wake:

Helena of the 10000 lakes: "Go to Hellena or Come to Connies"

Francie, my moms name: "the pikey later selling the gentleman ratepayer because she, Francie's sister..."

Michael, AKA MS: "Mickmichaels soords shriking shrecks through the wilinses and nechanicholas.."

A shout out for tautological tai: "when single, stands for or tautologically stands beside the consort..."

Lisa Hillers story of Katey Crystal in the grass skirt: "So the katey's came and the katey's game..."


And some other interesting finds...

35- Tiger Woods
37- Twitter Litter
495- Brother Lynch
469- Rodeo
527- Strip teasy
456- Rattertatter
421- Slanguage
410- Emailia (I had to find this since Dr Sexson said email was in FW)
508- Only time Epiphany is said in Finnegans
313- shout out to keen kenning ben, "Keen his Kenning"
407- Tube tube!
379- Ruby (my dogs name)
378/424- two longest words in book
544- De Vs : reminded me of Devita, Dr. Sexsons granddaughter
485- "suck it yourself, sugarstick!"

And Done.